(570): Because of his penis, I can’t even look at a hot dog

(Submitted by sugar-crash31, thank you!)

(513): Are we playing “how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011”?

(505): yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don’t want to win.

(Submitted by sugar-crash31, thank you!)

(312): I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?

Submitted by sugar-crash31, thank you!

(703): The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.

(Submitted by sugar-crash31, thank you!)

(913): The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.

(443): There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.

(Submitted by sugar-crash31, thank you!)

(859): will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour

(Submitted by sugar-crash31, thank you!)

(541): Maybe you shouldn’t go to cosmic bowling, i don’t know if cum glows and I don’t wanna find out i’m sure his parents don’t either.

(Submitted by Sugar, thank you!)

(805): I’m not judging you… I’m judging our friendship

(Submitted by Sugar, thank you!)

(203): The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled “stranger danger” before hiding behind his dad

(Submitted by Sugar, thank you!)

(316): I’m still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day

(Submitted by Anonymous, thank you!)