(610): I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
(Submitted by sugar-crash31, thank you!)
(305): What part of I’m done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I’ve moved on..
(920): Well, practice makes perfect. Let’s start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
(831): YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
(Submitted by inthequietcity, thank you!)
(614): I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
(217): Ummmmm okay let’s be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed’s at half capacity this evening. How’d you like to fill it up?
(Submitted by jrho, thank you!)
(952): Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I’m not even into that stuff but I think it’d be so warm.
(951): Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
(301): But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
(847): Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted “who has your virginity.” I got the seat. Submitted by sugar-crash31, thank you!
(321): It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis… If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical. Submitted by sugar-crash31, thank you!
(570): Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I’d like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
(214): It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
(260): He doesn’t have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
(503): If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
(Submitted by acidwit, thank you!)