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(416): feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?

(416): feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?

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(614): I was convinced to buy a man thong. (614): But it’s Armani so it’s okay. (614): God I just out gayed myself.

(614): I was convinced to buy a man thong.

(614): But it’s Armani so it’s okay.

(614): God I just out gayed myself.

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(609): Would it be weird to tell him that on his b’day he’s dressing up and we’re having weird Jesus sex?

(609): Would it be weird to tell him that on his b’day he’s dressing up and we’re having weird Jesus sex?

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(310): My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my “roommate” was doing. (1-310): That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.

(310): My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my “roommate” was doing.

(1-310): That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.

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(248): Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.

(248): Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.

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(478): How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy’s shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses (770): We’ll talk about it later…

(478): How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy’s shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses

(770): We’ll talk about it later…

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(317): You need a sexual gate keeper

(317): You need a sexual gate keeper

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(403): I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he’s my little lamb

(403): I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he’s my little lamb

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(334): I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling “bumfuck” repeatedly. We figured we’d just let him get it out of his system.

(334): I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling “bumfuck” repeatedly. We figured we’d just let him get it out of his system.

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(541): What should I say back? (1-541): Well, how do you want the conversation to go? (541): Straight into my pants.

(541): What should I say back?

(1-541): Well, how do you want the conversation to go?

(541): Straight into my pants.

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(815): I’m pleased to know that your mom refers to me as “the ass piliager” now

(815): I’m pleased to know that your mom refers to me as “the ass piliager” now

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(781): Whatever you do tomorrow don’t let me put on the Borat mankini and yell “POLAR PLUNGE!!” while diving into the pool (1-781): The pool is covered….. (781): Like that would stop me.

(781): Whatever you do tomorrow don’t let me put on the Borat mankini and yell “POLAR PLUNGE!!” while diving into the pool

(1-781): The pool is covered…..

(781): Like that would stop me.

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(619): You said “bag of dicks” before passing out and falling off the landing (1-619): Oh god… Please tell me Sarah didn’t see me like this (619): …you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down…

(619): You said “bag of dicks” before passing out and falling off the landing

(1-619): Oh god… Please tell me Sarah didn’t see me like this

(619): …you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down…

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(480): If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.

(480): If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.

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(317): He said, “cum on daddy’s dick!” … I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.

(317): He said, “cum on daddy’s dick!” … I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.

| 7 notes