(586): Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet……
(541): Happy birthday, you long dick monster
(336): At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
(315): She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
(845): Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
310): I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean “I cherish you” I do not want to live there.
(586): Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I’d already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you’re well. Come over soon?
(417): I think I’m too tall to 69 successfully.
(1-417):I think I might cry.
(515): You’re tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
(508): It’s not that I’m in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can’t be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
you don’t understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
(561): Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Maybe I’ll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I’m not President.