(605): I could only remember yelling “rip it down” as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling. (307): I’ve always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name…
(Submitted by sugar-crash31, thank you!)
(423): I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain… I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
(919): Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said “nothing much.” But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
(Submitted by dancingwithyourhandsup, thank you!)
(919): I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
(816): i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
(240): YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
(845): Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
(318): would you say our friendship is at the “help each other shave animal patterns in each other’s pubes” phase?
(Submitted by jrho, thank you!)
(432): I don’t care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption “I want you” isn’t an acceptable pick up line.
(775): I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
(812): Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don’t know whether this pattern is good or bad.
(780): Just in case you were wondering….. I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
(253): i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down (253): ppsyche im wasted where are you
(Submitted by cryingwordsandbleedingink, thank you!)
(419): That’s what I’m here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
(403): You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn’t lose you if you went pee in the dark. Submitted by sugar-crash31, thank you!