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(918): Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all “these are not the Droids you are looking for”

(918): Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all “these are not the Droids you are looking for”

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(478): How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy’s shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses (770): We’ll talk about it later…

(478): How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy’s shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses

(770): We’ll talk about it later…

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(971): Yeah. It’s just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.

(971): Yeah. It’s just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.

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(612): It’d be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn’t been on.

(612): It’d be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn’t been on.

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(407): I don’t think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.

(407): I don’t think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.

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(320): What happened to my face? (715): You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake. (715): It was impressive.

(320): What happened to my face?

(715): You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.

(715): It was impressive.

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(317): You need a sexual gate keeper

(317): You need a sexual gate keeper

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(231): Took “drink until he’s cute” to a whole new level last night…

(231): Took “drink until he’s cute” to a whole new level last night…

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(603): There’s a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.

(603): There’s a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.

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(417): I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again (1-417): I will be over with a bedpan and beer

(417): I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again

(1-417): I will be over with a bedpan and beer

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(403): I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he’s my little lamb

(403): I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he’s my little lamb

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(859): The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we’re 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers

(859): The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we’re 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers

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(334): I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling “bumfuck” repeatedly. We figured we’d just let him get it out of his system.

(334): I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling “bumfuck” repeatedly. We figured we’d just let him get it out of his system.

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(570): Sit down my child. It’s time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, “The Penis that Never Could.”

(570): Sit down my child. It’s time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, “The Penis that Never Could.”

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(216): Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.

(216): Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.

| 8 notes