He’d rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I’ve lost all hope for him and my vagina
(614): she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
(610): Dangr zzzzzzzzone
(785): WE’RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
(203): You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
(661): Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don’t shut up.
(1-661): What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was “how”
(778): He’s a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
(416): feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
(812): Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
(860): I’m so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
(613): The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
(404): PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
(614): I was convinced to buy a man thong.
(614): But it’s Armani so it’s okay.
(614): God I just out gayed myself.
(480): Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I’m living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I’m in bed with some free tacos, and when I’m done eating I’m going to sleep. What a great night.
(814): My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.